08.23.05

"such a cautious display"

I wanted to write a story lie the one with hava, like the little asexual girl who was a bit too afraid of him and of his man beauty. Lord do I know man beauty and yet I feel so na�ve I wonder how much of me I�ve just accepted from other people I don�t know and the music feels so...it fill me up so..the poor boy is writing a love anthem every single word is a love anthem and that�s why I felt it. That why it tugged at my heart so. When things come alive is such an interesting thing. Oh, I don�t know where I am now. Oh I am floating between two extremes now. Oh I have no anchor, or I have no patience, oh I float oh I flutter, oh dear God embrace me and keep me safe. Can we all hold hands can we all hold hands/ you make motion when you cry...you need motion when you cry. Oh just writing about h bubble is wanted to cry. Do you remember that? I do.
Out on the porch with daddy and blowing bubbles and trying to figure out the magic formula while he sat by in shorts and watched the thronging of Miami move by under us. We never knew. Oh I wonder what has died in my father. Oh I wonder when that honour that was in him died and he began being such a weak man.
I wonder exactly when it was that I changed. I feel so different now. Oh everything is so different and so the same. Is it the people? Is it me?
I can�t tell any more. I can�t tell my memories from my stories, and I long for Elina and her boys and her alike. Oh, but alike will have to die...it will be a story about William and Elina.
How do I feel now? Drunk. I feel drunk and a little bit cheated.
It will make me happy to see that scraggly man�s face. I think I can breathe then. What does he know I wonder. I wonder. I wonder.
I can�t tell the difference between care and courtesy. I always wonder where the line is, but when I know a line it hurts so much to have it crossed no matter how much I want to.
I hope he�s asked her out already.
Or not.
She seemed so sad today.
Oh, the pictures.
I don�t think I�m ready yet to write. Oh, when will I ever be

shi-ou-sama at 6:03 p.m.

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