08.23.05
"such a cautious display"
Out on the porch with daddy and blowing bubbles and trying to figure out the magic formula while he sat by in shorts and watched the thronging of Miami move by under us. We never knew. Oh I wonder what has died in my father. Oh I wonder when that honour that was in him died and he began being such a weak man.
I wonder exactly when it was that I changed. I feel so different now. Oh everything is so different and so the same. Is it the people? Is it me?
I can�t tell any more. I can�t tell my memories from my stories, and I long for Elina and her boys and her alike. Oh, but alike will have to die...it will be a story about William and Elina.
How do I feel now? Drunk. I feel drunk and a little bit cheated.
It will make me happy to see that scraggly man�s face. I think I can breathe then. What does he know I wonder. I wonder. I wonder.
I can�t tell the difference between care and courtesy. I always wonder where the line is, but when I know a line it hurts so much to have it crossed no matter how much I want to.
I hope he�s asked her out already.
Or not.
She seemed so sad today.
Oh, the pictures.
I don�t think I�m ready yet to write. Oh, when will I ever be
shi-ou-sama at