01.13.06
it was goign to be so much more
The restaurant ambiance consists of the hazy tinkle of dishes thrown together by the waiters, the loud voices of parents telling their children to quiet down, and the children whining with their mouths closed, wriggling in their seats. The speakers hidden somewhere play Sinatra on repeat, but his drowsy eyes reach no one and the din overcomes him. I stop trying not to shake.
When he comes, I can�t tell if he sees me first because, even in the dark he wears his aviators, shielding his eyes from my vision. He smiles, and for a moment I am disgusted -that smile is too sweet to come from beneath those glasses- but it resides. I don�t want to see him, I think; I don�t want to feel so naked under his gaze. Then, I think: I can�t reject him now, he has only been rejected once, and that was his choice wasn�t it?
�It�s a bit noisy in here,� he says still smiling. I nod at him.
�You look like you�re finished. Do you want to leave?� He offers me his hand and as I take it, I feel the familiar combination of skin and bandage in his palm. There is still a dark red pooling against the white cloth and the combination of coarse against smooth skin is disorienting to touch. I follow and try to keep myself together.
As we walk down the boardwalk, the store lights reflect themselves in his glasses. He keeps talking as I watch him and I already know what he is saying. For a while I cant hear anything, and all I can see are his lips moving over that smooth smile; up and down over perfect white teeth. I don�t think he noticed. He always says the same thing anyway.
We reach the end of the boardwalk, we stop, looking off at the distant lights, and I think how much I�d like to run off into them. He clutches my hand as if to stop me.
shi-ou-sama at
