01.06.05

They rearranged my toiletries, from green to yellow pills

I don�t remember where we were. The rooms looked familiar, as if they were my rooms, places that I had walked down in my underwear as the sun rose before. But they were not my rooms. They were city rooms, high in the air and surrounded by people and lights. Even in the dark of the rooms I could feel it, the thrum outside.
The blinds were closed � blinds I�m sure because curtains would be too soft-
And all you could see were tints of grey. I could almost swear the carpet was a purple grey, but somehow I feel it couldn�t have been. It seems impossible that such a place could be further infused with death. They were around me, I don�t remember who. Faces melting into each other, rather heads. They were bodies with round bits of clay on top, torsos in lace and tight sweaters and empty faces.
The first time came in a blur. I was on the bottom and he �he or she- came on top of me thrusting. I remember blond hair leaking out of a meticulously sprayed coiffure and the noise of their breath above me, lingering in the air like steam.
So in a flash it was over, and I was left with my hand there, curled around something missing and looking at the ceiling above me. I felt bad because my feet were near some child�s head but I couldn�t think to move them. So much of an effort, but I was so numb then that it didn�t matter.
So I was on top. So he was below me and pale as the moon with his hair plastered by sweat across his forehead. So he was smiling grotesquely up at me.
I was pumping, grunting, forcing myself up and down repeatedly. I was riding him with such vigour, with such determination and with only one hand. One hand holding on and the other flailing in the air next to me. And they were watching too. So interested in this, like a tantric ritual, breaking all taboos.
He instructed me to touch him, to molest him, to grasp every inch of his pale skin. I obeyed. Probably precisely at the moment that I felt the moving fat of his round bottom I became confused. Before then the door was open and I was riding with such abandon that I hadn�t noticed. I was sweating and puffing and the faceless crowds were watching in their half sleep. I screamed to close the door.
He told me to fuck him and I did.
Then I ran from that place.
Then, in the station, a young girl on the second floor naked and pregnant, her father giving her money to leave as they took her away in a sumptuous robe. I thought then; that poor baby, Bastard child of this city.

shi-ou-sama at 12:03 a.m.

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