2001-08-05

scars

I think parents can be very, very cruel without even knowing it. One day, when I was very young, - probably before I was old enough to go to school - my parents took me in thier room. I don't remember much about what they said except at one point, when I was smiling, my mother stared at me. She just looked at me and then said to my father, "Look at that, she has a gap in her teeth." Now, I don't think that should have been a surprise to my mother , simply because my fathers family tended to have such traits, which had been passed to me. Also, as a child, I wondered why that was bad.

My father then looked down at me and smiled , "Don't worry, it means that when she grows up she'll be beautiful." My mother then looked down at me."I hope you are right about that."

This was a very encouraging conversation we'd had. From that day on I've remembered and carried that as a sort of stigma. That day I had sat there thinking, What will happen if I don't grow up to be pretty? I wondered if my mother would be angry with me or if she wouldn't like me. I seriously think that conversation is the source of half of the problems I have today, the other half stem from the day I was born.

I thank you, Mother and Father, for permanently scarring me.

shi-ou-sama at 11:13 p.m.

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