07.07.05

i remember grey

How many days has it been now?
Each time I close my eyes, as the darkness comes over me I curl into a ball, nudging my head at something that isn’t there.
I think it was the first time id seen him outside of school. There, sitting on the bench looking like a true beach bum with his beautiful sandals and newspaper tucked underneath his arm.
The only indication was the golden hair cascading down. He said he didn’t even know. That he had just come down to the beach and seen them bathing themselves. I love his hugs. I felt so smitten, and thought hey, he’s a family man already. He has a woman that he will go back to. But still, tugging.
What is important is that he too hand those thumbs. That he was kind. That perfect smile. That he almost, almost spun with me. That he talked, that he stuck close by, that we, mimicking eachother's bodies, talked softly and ran our hands through eachother’s hair.
I never knew before how it felt to have someone not mine do that.
Then the hug, that would not end, rocking eachother him rocking me on his hip like I was a baby and then another one and wanting to whisper again, don’t leave me don’t leave me don’t leave me, then leaving, then laughing and leaving.
So at night, he comes back because I don’t want to leave him. Because I remember how suddenly without my noticing he was there with his arms around me. Every pause he came. White shirt. Angel hair. Beautiful sandals. That smile. Indescribable. Tall and thin and soft.
Whisper: don’t leave me

shi-ou-sama at 5:18 p.m.

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