02.09.05

if only there were different circumstances

My heart is filled with such emotion I can feel it clogged up, hear it speaking to me. It tells me write, not to miss this moment and that the tears will soon come flooding over but not to mind so much because I have memorised most of the keys anyway.
It is so depressing to be here, to see you, all so young. To see you others, all so lacking of understanding. To see myself, fluxing and twisting into something that I cannot recognise.
I can only tell that it becomes ever frightening to realise that it is your hand that has written that, that you cannot control it as your words become more and more erratic and a mad scrawl across the page. You forget things, not only little things, but big things too. You forget what it is that Valentines Day is to mean and what it was supposed to have meant to have a father.
When you tear, and you wonder quietly, just what is this feeling my eyes are having, why is it so uncomfortable?
I am ravenous for anything solid, anything my hands can stroke and pound because my mind is floating away and I don�t know what to do about it.

shi-ou-sama at 8:32 p.m.

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